Why Marriages Fail Essay Example for Free

Why Marriages Fail Essay God designed oneness for marriage. He created only one Eve for Adam. Thus what is said in Genesis 2:24 is reiterated by Jesus when the Scribes and Pharisees confront him about the issue of divorce, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matt. 19:5-6). God never intended that spouses should separate except through death. This is clearly stated in the marriage vows taken by the couple on their marriage day. â€Å"I watched my girl friend’s mother get married for the fifth time. I thought, she has said those vows to four men earlier. † S. Robert. These vows are not to be taken lightly and couples should do all in their power to salvage their marriage, for a marriage is never beyond repair. It is a wrong concept that couples fall out of love. Such a thing does not exist, for if you love someone, you will always love them. If you are certain that you no longer love your spouse, then it is clear that you never loved them in the first place. It must have infatuation, or probably you were swept off your feet by romance but never really knowing and understanding your spouse enough to love them. Then why do marriages fail? One of the main reasons is the negative pattern in a relationship. Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight with threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness as they are hard to take back and they drive a knife into the partners heart. Proverbs 12:18 says, Reckless words pierce like a sword. Marriages fail also because of poor communication skills, lack of commitment, failure to nurture love in its various forms, lack of spiritual unity or direction, lack of ability to cope with the changes in life and the inability to deal with skeletons of the past. Besides this negative interpretations can damage a relationship. A wife who doesn’t find her husband very eager to visit her parents may be under the delusion that he doesn’t like her parents. This may be totally untrue and he may be bogged down with the financial cost or whether he has enough vacation. Thus when the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness the attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized. Today divorce being so easy, couples throw in the towel too soon. Marriage takes commitment and trust, communication and faith. When two people in love say that ‘Love is blind’ they are usually correct. If the two of them are realistically going to need to work in order to provide for the household, it is equally unrealistic for her to expect to be provided for while she stays home to run the house as it is for him to insist that no wife of his is going to work. Denise, for example, wanted to pursue a career, but her husband Jeff, had a rigid, no wife of mine will ever work attitude. Denise did not confront Jeff. Instead, she became a hospital volunteer, which did not threaten his breadwinning image. Then she took some courses to help her in her volunteer work. With her improved qualifications she was hired part time and then offered a full time job. By this time Jeff could see that Denise was happier when working so he encouraged her and even boasted about his wife’s career. Denise was able to make Jeff realize her need but if one gets into a marriage believing that if you marry someone it will change them or if you love them enough things will work out, it will not, for you are demanding of you partner what you want not what he/ she requires. There are a variety of ways to help another: prayer, financial aid, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. But do not enter a relationship where your sole purpose is to tend to the others troubles. A healthy marriage requires both husband and wife to bring 100% to the table. When one is always the giver and the other always the taker, trouble is on the horizon. Setting a good example yourself will bring in better results than demanding them. If you want to foster the quality of kindness, demonstrate your own kindness to others, if you are looking for courage, show that you can stand up to tough situations yourself. Marrying too soon is another main reason why marriages fail. People dont want to live out their lives in loneliness but it is always good to know the person before you pop the question. Lack of communication is a dreaded vampire of divorces. Your spouse is not God that he/she understands and knows what your mind is thinking about. It is always better to speak out. One wife described her marriage as empty and blamed her husband for failing to comfort her when their daughter died years ago. â€Å"I just wanted him to hold me close,† she said. She did not voice her need and though his need was the same he did not approach her.